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Richard-Angels

I am writing to you concerning my experience with spiritual possession. I am a 39 year old, post graduate professional. I had moved to Idaho in 1996 with my then wife and son. We bought a home and then happily had our second child, my daughter, in 1998. I am also a professional musician. I had much success in Boise as a side-man for a name act. However, I decided that I was going to build a successful band of my own (which I did). We encountered resistance to the outfit at first at local area clubs. It was then that I sought counsel with "angels and spirits" to "protect and guide me."

I was leafing through a book about angels at Borders one lunch time. The book suggested that one may contact "your" angel by reaching out and asking its name. Something responded in my mind and identified itself as NPQ. It told me that it was there to protect me, guide me, to help my family and so on. From there, life started to change. Actually, very rapidly. I began to speak things to co-workers out of turn: threats etc. I even cursed my beloved bass player one evening. Oh, the pain of those words, especially for her. Then of course, I became increasingly confused. I started to have thoughts of murder, harm, extreme hatred, hatred of Christ and all that was good. I had visions of hurting my daughter, killing my wife etc. All the while, NPQ, whom later revealed its name (I am frightened to even type the word, but I will, Narpinquonis) kept insisting that it was protecting me.

I voluntarily admitted myself to West Valley Medical Center psychiatric ward since I could not control my own thoughts. I was treated for "severe depression with associated OCD". OK, be that as it may, but after leaving the hospital four days later with a prescription for prozac and a weekly counseling session, I sensed that I was not myself. I then was subjected to a variety of accidents, a car accident, overwhelming anxiety etc.

From there, my psychiatrist suggested that I see a Christian counselor. I did. He suggested that I read the "Bondage Breaker." It was then that I found my way to "deliverance." However, the way was not easy. I tried to let Christ into my heart on my own. That was when the nightmares started. Horrible nightmares. I recollect dreams of firestorms, violent windstorms, the death of friends, finding myself in "combat" situations with friends and childhood heroes etc.

Then my marriage started to breakdown. It was only though the kindness of my friend and fellow musician that I was able to hold myself together. She even pointed out that I carried a blackness about me.

One afternoon, sitting in my car, waiting for my bandmates to arrive prior to a rehearsal, I tried letting Christ into my life. I often felt hypocritical about this, since I was raised Catholic and have often had problems with the Church's dogma and hocus pocus. I tried as hard as I could to cast off the spirit. I succeeded in getting it out of me. I saw a shimmering black shape, as black as any void you could imagine, hovering just behind me, almost laughing.

I was not free of it. It merely left me perhaps for a day or so and then returned. This time, I was subjected to a "roaring lion" voice in my mind. I don't know what that was to this day. I shook it off. At my lowest point, I sought a friend who brought me to a Christian Church. I was taken before the minister.

I have no recollection of the "exorcism" other than being asked if I would let Christ into my life. I kept trying, but another "being" kept speaking through me, in a harsh cruel voice, and told the minister "NO." I wanted it to go. I wanted it to leave me alone. It was 12:30 a.m. when I came to. I had an immense bruise on my head, apparently from being tossed into the wall. I recall hitting my head, but not feeling any conscious pain. I recall the minister asking me if "they are gone" and if I let Christ into my life. I have, with all my heart and soul.

This was almost two years ago. The odd thing about the possession was that I willingly let it happen. I wanted "power". I wanted to be assisted. I was aware of the spirit; I knew it was with me.

I am now divorced.  I see my children. I am in communication with them. I know my heart is clean. I feel free and light. I do experience depression now and then, but the debilitating OCD symptoms, the horrible nightmares, the ;hideous use of anger, the verbal attacks on my friends, have all stopped. The depressions I had experienced earlier in life were minor and easily treatable. This was no depression. You could equate anything I am relating to you as anecdotal and easily explained away by the DSM IV as axis one classic depression.

I consider this a classic case of possession. Please warn others not to tamper with the spirit world.  The hardest part of this is, and many do not understand this: you must willingly let the "demon" into your life. It is insidious. It wants "you." It wants your entire being. It wants to give its own consciousness form. It seemed to function for one purpose. That was to give me a determination (and talent beyond my physical ability to play the guitar). Interestingly, I GAVE IT JUST WHAT IT WANTED. It took my body, my God given talent, and used me to its own complete and selfish ends.It extinguished love in my life; it would have extinguished my life to achieve its own desires and ends. It almost did.

I now live in another city with my fellow musician and have not been tormented by this spirit ever since. However, I am on guard, always.

Richard