I am writing to you
concerning my experience with spiritual possession. I am
a 39 year old, post graduate professional. I had moved
to Idaho in 1996 with my then wife and son. We bought a
home and then happily had our second child, my daughter,
in 1998. I am also a professional musician. I had much
success in Boise as a side-man for a name act. However,
I decided that I was going to build a successful band of
my own (which I did). We encountered resistance to the
outfit at first at local area clubs. It was then that I
sought counsel with "angels and spirits" to
"protect and guide me."
I was leafing through a
book about angels at Borders one lunch time. The book
suggested that one may contact "your" angel by
reaching out and asking its name. Something responded in
my mind and identified itself as NPQ. It told me that it
was there to protect me, guide me, to help my family and
so on. From there, life started to change. Actually,
very rapidly. I began to speak things to co-workers out
of turn: threats etc. I even cursed my beloved bass
player one evening. Oh, the pain of those words,
especially for her. Then of course, I became
increasingly confused. I started to have thoughts of
murder, harm, extreme hatred, hatred of Christ and all
that was good. I had visions of hurting my daughter,
killing my wife etc. All the while, NPQ, whom later
revealed its name (I am frightened to even type the
word, but I will, Narpinquonis) kept insisting that it
was protecting me.
I voluntarily admitted
myself to West Valley Medical Center psychiatric ward
since I could not control my own thoughts. I was treated
for "severe depression with associated OCD".
OK, be that as it may, but after leaving the hospital
four days later with a prescription for prozac and a
weekly counseling session, I sensed that I was not
myself. I then was subjected to a variety of accidents,
a car accident, overwhelming anxiety etc.
From there, my
psychiatrist suggested that I see a Christian counselor.
I did. He suggested that I read the "Bondage
Breaker." It was then that I found my way to
"deliverance." However, the way was not easy.
I tried to let Christ into my heart on my own. That was
when the nightmares started. Horrible nightmares. I
recollect dreams of firestorms, violent windstorms, the
death of friends, finding myself in "combat"
situations with friends and childhood heroes etc.
Then my marriage started
to breakdown. It was only though the kindness of my
friend and fellow musician that I was able to hold
myself together. She even pointed out that I carried a
blackness about me.
One afternoon, sitting in
my car, waiting for my bandmates to arrive prior to a
rehearsal, I tried letting Christ into my life. I often
felt hypocritical about this, since I was raised
Catholic and have often had problems with the Church's
dogma and hocus pocus. I tried as hard as I could to
cast off the spirit. I succeeded in getting it out of
me. I saw a shimmering black shape, as black as any void
you could imagine, hovering just behind me, almost
I was not free of it. It
merely left me perhaps for a day or so and then
returned. This time, I was subjected to a "roaring
lion" voice in my mind. I don't know what that was
to this day. I shook it off. At my lowest point, I
sought a friend who brought me to a Christian Church. I
was taken before the minister.
I have no recollection of
the "exorcism" other than being asked if I
would let Christ into my life. I kept trying, but
another "being" kept speaking through me, in a
harsh cruel voice, and told the minister "NO."
I wanted it to go. I wanted it to leave me alone. It was
12:30 a.m. when I came to. I had an immense bruise on my
head, apparently from being tossed into the wall. I
recall hitting my head, but not feeling any conscious
pain. I recall the minister asking me if "they are
gone" and if I let Christ into my life. I have,
with all my heart and soul.
This was almost two years
ago. The odd thing about the possession was that I
willingly let it happen. I wanted "power". I
wanted to be assisted. I was aware of the spirit; I knew
it was with me.
I am now divorced.
I see my children. I am in communication with them. I
know my heart is clean. I feel free and light. I do
experience depression now and then, but the debilitating
OCD symptoms, the horrible nightmares, the ;hideous use
of anger, the verbal attacks on my friends, have all
stopped. The depressions I had experienced earlier in
life were minor and easily treatable. This was no
depression. You could equate anything I am relating to
you as anecdotal and easily explained away by the DSM IV
as axis one classic depression.
I consider this a classic
case of possession. Please warn others not to tamper
with the spirit world. The hardest part of this
is, and many do not understand this: you must willingly
let the "demon" into your life. It is
insidious. It wants "you." It wants your
entire being. It wants to give its own consciousness
form. It seemed to function for one purpose. That was to
give me a determination (and talent beyond my physical
ability to play the guitar). Interestingly, I GAVE IT
JUST WHAT IT WANTED. It took my body, my God given
talent, and used me to its own complete and selfish
ends.It extinguished love in my life; it would have
extinguished my life to achieve its own desires and
ends. It almost did.
I now live in another
city with my fellow musician and have not been tormented
by this spirit ever since. However, I am on guard,